There is no fear greater than entering into the unknown. There is no unknown deeper than uniting one’s self for life with someone else. If you do not truly understand your own very self and what you may turn out to be when certain circumstances come your way, how much more trusting your life into the hands of another in the name of marriage. This is enough to cause great fear to any reasonable person.
There is no single person that remained the same after marriage. None! Some become exceedingly happy, some get the opposite. Some are fulfilled; some are living in regret while others are neither happy nor sad. In any case, the decision to unite one’s self with another has its consequences – good or bad. This should cause anyone to fear.
The deepest hurt anyone will ever feel is usually the one that comes from that person you love the most. If he or she is capable of giving you the greatest happiness, then, just know that he or she is, ipso facto, capable of giving you the deepest pain as well. In other words, while we marry hoping to get happiness, it is also very possible that we may end up getting pains. This should cause anyone to fear.
One week before my ordination, the reality of what I was about to enter started becoming clear. Prior to that week, I have always been filled with passion to get ordained and go out and convert all the souls. You know those childlike passions that hinder you from being realistic even to yourself, whereas in your small mind you will be thinking it is faith. No, it is not faith, it is denial.
For nine years, I have never really asked myself deep and realistic questions about what I am entering into until a week to my ordination. I have always pretended that Chisom, one fine girl like that, was not entering my eyes. So, I looked at myself before my mirror and myself and I had a long conversation.
“How are you feeling today?”
The image in my mirror was reluctant to answer, after some time he answered “fine.”
“Do you really want to be a priest?”
The image in my mirror was quiet. After two minutes, he answered, “I think so, but I am scared.”
“Are you sure you really do not want to get married, what about that girl entering ya eyes? Remember you are the first child? Forget those stories of being married to Jesus; every Christian should ordinarily be married to Jesus?”
My mirror image was silent and could not answer.
“Remember you love kids so much? Does it mean you will not have any child? Forget all those stories of being the Father to everyone, your child will always be your child?”
The mirror image was silent again.
“So, you will become a missionary, separated from your family, especially your mother, and be posted to God knows where, then added to that, you will be relinquishing your will to your superior in the name of obedience, do you truly understand what you are choosing?”
The mirror image became scared.
Then, I went to the chapel, lay down on my chest before Jesus. I did not say a word. After a while, I slept off for about one hour. When I woke up, I knew I have the answers to my questions.
You may have been dating that person for five years, but when the moment of marriage comes, the reality of what is before you is enough to make you scared.
So what do I say to you?
In the words of Susan Jeffers, I say to you, FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY.
If you are afraid and filled with tension, it is probably because it is a noble thing you are about to do.
No great height was achieved without fright and fear. No big celebrity ever became famous without that first fear. No innovation ever came to be without that fear. Imagine the first time people used an airplane. Imagine the first time people traveled and landed in space. Imagine the first time a surgeon separated conjoined twins. Imagine their fears.
Even Christ when he was about to redeem us, it was as if the reality of what he was about to do dawned on him at Golgotha. The bible said his sweat became bloody. Just imagine that scenario. The fear would have been so deep.
But there is one thing common to all these people: myself who became a priest, the inventors, the surgeons, those that travel to other planets, all those that have been married, Christ that died on the Cross. Just one thing is common among them.
They all felt the fear and did it anyway.
Until you make that move away from your fear, you cannot progress to the next level. Trust in God and feel the fear and do it anyway.
By: Rev. Fr Kelvin Ugwu